The Deathbed Scene
by Bonbonnett
Summary: After the wedding disaster and the big blow-up, what thoughts go through Edward's mind as he paces his room and sighs? What happens when he finds Jane gone? CB's people--my interpretation of their actions.


THE DEATHBED SCENE

What a fool I had made out of myself: how could I have made such a mess out of something as beautiful as the last few weeks had been, For a little while I had the promise of happiness that had always escaped me—for a little while I had Jane's smiles and sweetness—almost mine.

Then the hammer of fate fell; the sword suspended by a thread above me; the curse now fifteen years old was revealed for all to see in its infinite horror. The ceremony was cut short, the wedding could not be performed, I was revealed as a would-be bigamist. It could no longer be hidden—I showed them my awful burden—my detested "wife". She lived up to her ill-fame, going into a frenzy and attacking me in front of everyone. No one could doubt what sort of a life we must have led before I had her confined.

Worse was to come: Jane would not agree to stay with me, she said she had to leave; I begged and pleaded with her, but she was unyielding—her decision carved in stone. At last, I lost my temper and behaved badly. The worst thing was that she forgave even that, but she still would not change her mind. She went upstairs—I followed some time later—having consoled myself with Brandy-wine.

I paused outside her door, I could hear her moving about her room, but I would not disturb her any more tonight. I went to my own room—I could not rest—I walked back and forth, I cursed myself for a fool—I tried to think of a solution, but no answer came to me. Toward Dawn, I finally tired, I lay down on my bed and--unaware—sleep overcame me.

_The rain was falling hard as I neared Thornfield. The last few days that I had been away had dragged on and on. But now I was nearly home, I urged my horse to a full gallop. There was an awful feeling hanging over me. Instead of the anticipation of seeing Jane soon, any minute now--I was almost at the gates—I felt that something was wrong. I was very uneasy in my mind._

_I tried to make these heavy thoughts go away with visions of a warm fireplace, a welcome meal, and something dry to wear, as the rain had made its way down my neck and I ascribed the chill down my back to that. I hoped not to be alone by my fireside—would she be willing perhaps to sit on my knee and grant me a kiss or two? She'd been damned elusive the last few weeks, the little elf! While I praised her wisdom at keeping a distance between us until we were married, I deplored the necessity of it. Soon this period of waiting would be over and we would be married and things should go more according to my wishes_

_John came to take my horse, "Master Edward, I must tell you—there's been bad doings while you were gone!"_

"_Well, you shall tell me in a minute—where is Miss Eyre? I want to see her—tomorrow is to be our Wedding Day and I have brought her something special to wear."_

"_Master, please heed me—'tis about Miss Eyre—its very bad indeed."_

"_Has she done something? But she wouldn't... What's the matter, man—why do you look that way?" I could hear my voice rising along with my anxiety. "Don't keep me in suspense—you're weeping, John—what has happened?--all was well when I left."_

"_Master, its Miss Eyre—we found her—Leah found her in her bed this morning. She was stark, cold dead, sir."_

"_Dead! No! How can that be? Has the doctor been? What did he say?"_

_The Doctor said that it seemed as though she'd been smothered by her pillow, sir. Who could have done such a mischief?"_

"_I must see her—where is she?" _

"_She's in her room, sir. Leah and Mrs. Fairfax are there with her. Oh sir, who could have done this?"_

"_Enough, John, I think I know the answer." Dread and Grief were my companions on the stairway, I threw off my hat and greatcoat without caring what I did with them. The door of her room stood ajar, I opened it and went in. Sorrow was at my side and Tragedy had preceded me._

_My little darling was there on her bed—candles burning round her at head and foot, flowers wreathed about her. She lay wrapped in white with her wedding veil over her face, as though it were already tomorrow morning and we were at the Church. I bent to kiss her cheek—so cold—so pale. I felt my heart begin to break. I turned to speak to Mrs. Fairfax—and woke..._

The morning was well advanced when I opened my eyes—the horror of my dream still upon me: I looked about my room, trying to gather my thoughts; I was still in my clothes from yesterday. Oh God, yesterday was when my house of cards had come tumbling down. The scandal was doubtless all over the neighborhood by now. I could just hear the biddies with the most delicious bit of gossip they could have dreamt of, right here in their midst. "Can you believe that that man dared try to take another wife when he had one already? Can you believe he had her locked up at Thornfield all this time and no one realized the truth? And what about that little governess he was going to 'marry'--what tricks do you think she used to get him to the altar? She's probably no better than she should be..."

Jane: after that awful nightmare; I had to see her to make sure that she was all right; I rang my bell.

Leah came to my door, "Good morning, sir." She was looking at me rather oddly—I became aware that my appearance was not all it might have been—my clothing was wrinkled from being slept in and I had yet to shave or comb my hair. In short, I was showing the effects of a distraught night.

I pulled myself together--"Leah, have you seen Miss Eyre this morning? There is something I need to ask her about..." My voice fell away—Leah had that peculiar look on her face again.

"Why sir, she's not in her room," here she looked a bit embarrassed.

I raised an eyebrow in inquiry, "If she's not in her room, then where the deuce is she? The schoolroom, perhaps? At breakfast with Mrs. Fairfax? Well—speak!"

"Well, sir, the truth is that nobody's seen her yet this morning—and so--'twas thought that--that..."

I could feel the scowl building up on my face as she stammered to a halt, "Just what were you thinking—tell me then—I won't eat you!"

Leah had gone very red in the face as the words burst out of her, "They all thought that she was in _your _ room—with _you_, sir!" And here she threw her apron over her head and ran headlong down the hallway, miraculously managing not to collide with anything.

I stood in my doorway completely dumbfounded, then somehow found the presence of mind to bellow after her, "Send John to me immediately!"

John confirmed Leah's words, no one had thought that Jane would not be found on the premises, presumably in my company. They were chagrined to have misjudged her and properly chastised for their evil thoughts. I instituted a thorough search, but soon called it off when it was discovered that a side door had been found unlocked, with the key still in the newly oiled lock. The Cook also confirmed that a small amount of food was gone from the Larder.

I examined her room—the trunks were still locked. There were perhaps a few garments gone from the drawers—and her little pearl necklace lay abandoned in its case. I ran the beads through my fingers—what would she do for money?--she could not have much—I thought of the time she had showed me her five shillings—all the money she had in the world at that time.

Perhaps she had not gone very far just yet—perhaps I could find her and help her before it was too late. Before she starved to death, or ended in the Workhouse, or some worse fate befell her. A basic difficulty rose before me—how was I to know which way she had gone? Surely not to London, she had no knowledge of the city and its ways. Her family was nonexistent to all practical purposes. I decided to ride North and make inquiries along the way—as no better solution presented itself.

I cleaned myself up and got dressed—I had carried the pearl necklace away from her room when I went to mine. I decided that I would wear it until I saw her again, as a remembrance of happier days. It was strangely comforting to feel it on my neck.

That was the beginning of my long purgatory.


End file.
